Emotions, Ethics, and Realities: reflections on decolonising conservation research by Jaya Gajparia

In the summer of 2023, we secured funding – an achievement that many academics dream of – to pilot a research project focused on decolonising the conservation sector in the UK.

While excited, I experienced a growing weight of responsibility to produce meaningful research results as we kick-started the project. There was a genuine concern that our findings might be overlooked or fail to bring about any tangible change. I think this experience is common among researchers committed to critical and transformative work, where the stakes are high, and the outcomes remain uncertain. We were determined to approach our research with an ethic of care and consideration especially towards the global majority research participants from the conservation sector who agreed to contribute their lived experiences of working in the sector. However, I was concerned that our work might inadvertently give them a false impression that the research would rupture a possibility for change within the sector. The truth is it likely wouldn’t.

In November, as the days grew shorter and the air turned cold and damp, we gathered for a few days in a small town in Shropshire – a predominantly white enclave in rural England. The 12 research participants, who generously gave us their time and emotional energy in the three-day residential, arrived with a mix of joy and anticipation. For them, it was the first opportunity to come together in person like this. Alongside their excitement, however, they carried what felt like oversized, overstuffed rucksacks heavy with anger and exhaustion. They were ready to shed this emotional baggage. Both they and our research team bonded over shared experiences of racial trauma, a connection that unveiled the deep sadness of our collective reality. As the residential ended, we returned home with our literal bags only to reshoulder the metaphysical ones we had spent the weekend unpacking. They felt heavier as we strapped them back on, having had the opportunity to rest them in safe company over the weekend.

Longmyde house in Shropshire. Venue for the workshop.

I am fortunate to have had the opportunity to collaborate with an exceptional, carefully selected research team, all of us with our unique and collective lived experiences of race, ethnicity, belonging and unbelonging in the UK. We share a silent understanding; we see each other and just know. This is both comforting and desperately heartbreaking.

At times, research can appear to be transactional – starting with the researchers and ending with the outputs. However, drawing on my own experiences of conducting research this is far from the case. Between January and February 2024, as I write this reflection amidst working on analysing the data collected in Shropshire, I find myself struggling, at times even in agony, to reach the endpoint of the data analysis process. Procrastination becomes a refuge, a temporary escape from the emotional weight of stepping in and out of the data.  To be clear, the data I refer to, are strings of sentences laced with painful memories of exclusion, racial discrimination, and invisibility. And so, immersing myself in the data feels like an act of emotional violence, forcing me to confront, relive and sometimes awaken traumas and wounds – I, we – have individually and collectively learned to bandage and soothe. I am certain the challenge of engaging with data analysis when it is emotionally intensive and close to home, resonates with many researchers who grapple with difficult subject matters.

My hope for this short reflection is that it not only serves to document some of the challenges faced but also to illustrate the resilience and dedication essential for undertaking research that challenges existing power structures to bring about meaningful change. I think it is incredibly important to acknowledge the personal investment and emotional toll inherent in research like this. There is a need for greater recognition and support for researchers engaged in decolonial and anti-racist scholarship.

In the case of this pilot project, we included on-site individual and collective racial trauma therapy for participants in our funding application – which was part of our ethic of care strategy. We worked with Psychotherapist Beth Collier who integrates a nature-based methodology into her practice, as part of this approach she often conducts sessions in woodlands. Alongside participants and researchers, we experienced the therapeutic benefits of her sessions in the beautiful surroundings of the Shropshire Hills. Throughout the three days Beth also offered individual sessions, a well-received option among participants seeking personalised support. One potential approach might be for funders to incorporate criteria into the application process, requiring applicants to include provisions for supporting both researchers and participants within their funding proposals thereby recognising the importance of providing such assistance.

Dismantling legacy: Decolonizing conservation and environmental sectors in UK using a social justice framework